by Matthew Parsons 
Matthew defeating Leo Keely at the Huddersfield Congress April 2007 
If you suffer from any of the following join NOW!! 
1. You leave clubs before the end to 'beat the rush' (worst still you don't go to the clubs) 
2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than Going clubbing the night before. 
3. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section. 
4. All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46. 
5. Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park. 
6. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep Them because they'll be alright for the DIY or in the garden. 
7. You buy T-shirts without anything written on them. 
8. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper,you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of most of the things that are in it. 
9. You start to worry about your parents' health. 
10. You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid. 
11. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace And Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your children. 
12. Pop music all starts to sound the same. 
13. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they do a really nice half-bottle of house red. 
14. You always have enough milk in. 
15. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents. 
16. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in. Grand Designs also appeals. 
17. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear. 
18. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q. 
19. You wish you had a shed. 
20. You have a shed. 
21. You actually find yourself saying 'They don't make 'em like That  
anymore' and 'I remember when there were only 4 TV channels' and 'Not in my  
22. You buy a wine rack because you can actually keep booze in the house for  
more than ten minutes. 
23. You start to worry about whether or not you should be getting a pension  
24.You don't switch over the channel when newsnight comes on . 
25. Thinking TV sketch shows just aren't as funny or clever as they used to  
be. (Mary Whitehouse Experience anyone!!) 
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